When your best friend confided in you that she was getting divorced, you immediately sprang into action—offering wild advice, trying to cheer her up by focusing on negatives, and even bad-mouthing her soon-to-be ex. You thought you were helpful, but it wasn’t long before she gently told you that your efforts were doing more harm than good.
That moment made you realize how easy it is to get things wrong when trying to support a friend through such a difficult time.
If you’re not careful, your well-meaning actions can backfire.
6 Ways NOT to Help
Helping a friend during a divorce without feeding into chaos can be challenging. While it’s natural to want to do or say something, some actions or words can unintentionally add stress. Here are 6 ways NOT to help a friend during a divorce:
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Invade Their Privacy
Avoid prying into the divorce details unless your friend opens up. Respecting their privacy will show you care about their boundaries during this sensitive time.
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Take Sides
Even if you dislike your friend’s spouse, taking sides can make the situation worse. Divorces are often filled with raw emotions; your friend may need neutral support. Avoid fueling hostility or encouraging negative talk.
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Compare Their Situation to Others
Every divorce is unique, especially for the individual going through it. Comparisons—whether to your own experiences or someone else’s—are not helpful. Such remarks can minimize your friend’s feelings or make them feel their situation is being trivialized.
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Offer Clichés
Telling your friend that “everything happens for a reason” or “time heals all wounds” can be dismissive. Instead, acknowledge their pain and reassure them that you’re there to support them.
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Push for Quick Decisions
Divorce involves many life-altering decisions. Pressuring your friend to “move on” or “just get this behind you” can lead to regrets. Let them process the situation and make decisions at their own pace.
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Give Unsolicited Advice
Although you may feel your advice is helpful, divorce is a deeply personal experience. Offering opinions on legal strategies, child custody, or what their next steps should be can overwhelm your friend. Instead, concentrate more on listening and offering emotional support.
Avoiding these common mistakes will help relieve stress and make you a better source of emotional support for your friend during their divorce. Another way to help relieve stress is for your friend to work with a competent and caring family law attorney. An experienced family law attorney will handle all of the legal details of the divorce, leaving your friend to concentrate on healing emotionally.
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Please consult an attorney for advice about your individual situation. The material on this website and in this or any blog article we publish are for informational purposes only and do not constitute legal advice. The attorneys at Christman | Daniell Attorneys believe in tailoring legal advice and solutions to your own personal circumstances.
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