You find yourself in yet another argument with your spouse. Granted, every couple argues at some point, but you’ve always felt your arguments go beyond the typical lover’s spat and border on spousal gaslighting. For instance, your spouse keeps saying your version of what led to the fight couldn’t be further from the truth. They insist you’re wrong and overreacting—and perhaps you stand up for yourself at first. But the more this scenario plays out, the more you question your memory and emotions.
Is everything really your fault? Or are you a victim of spousal gaslighting? A form of emotional abuse that is all too common today, spousal gaslighting is a subtle yet highly harmful act that can directly impact the well-being of the person being targeted.
More About Spousal Gaslighting
Spousal gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one partner manipulates or denies reality, often by dismissing the other person’s emotions, shifting blame, or denying certain events ever took place. This maddening process eventually causes the victim to doubt their own thoughts, feelings, and memories—even though they have vivid memories of what happened. Gaslighting is a subtle yet harmful form of abuse that can profoundly affect the mental well-being of the person being targeted.
Do any of these signs of spousal gaslighting sound familiar?
Constant Denial of Events.
A spouse who inflicts spousal gaslighting on another spouse repeatedly denies things the other person distinctly remembers. This can make you begin to second-guess your recollection of facts. The gaslighting spouse may say, “That never happened,” even when you’re sure it did.
Distorting the Truth.
A gaslighting spouse will distort conversations or events to fit their narrative—especially if they know they are wrong. They often blame you for things that weren’t your fault and demand you apologize.
Undermining Your Confidence.
The gaslighting spouse may regularly tell you that you’re just too sensitive, irrational, or forgetful. Over time, you might start believing that you’re the problem.
Playing the Victim.
Your gaslighting spouse will likely shift the blame back to you even when the blame rests squarely on them. They will play the victim and make you feel guilty.
Isolating You from Friends and Family.
A spouse who inflicts spousal gaslighting may suggest that your friends or family are a bad influence on you. They will try pushing you away from your support network.
Making You Question Your Sanity.
You might start doubting your mental stability because your gaslighting spouse is so convincing in their alternate version of reality. You will find yourself wondering if you’re going insane.
Minimizing Your Feelings.
Your gaslighting spouse will begin to invalidate your justifiable feelings and make you feel like your emotional responses are wrong or excessive.
Shifting Focus in Arguments.
When confronted with their inappropriate behavior, they’ll redirect the conversation to something unrelated, making it impossible to address the real issue.
Creating Confusion and Uncertainty.
They give inconsistent accounts or explanations, which keep you in constant confusion, never sure what’s true or not.
Emotional Withdrawal.
They might pull away emotionally, using silence or withdrawal to punish you when you question their behavior, reinforcing your sense of insecurity and helplessness.
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