Divorce changes a lot of things—your routines, holidays, and, sometimes, even how often you see your kids. One of the most common questions parents have after ending a marriage is: “Can I text my child when they are with my ex?”
On the surface, the answer should be simple. You love your child; you want to check in, and texting is so much a part of everyday life. But once custody orders and parenting plans are in place, things can feel a little less straightforward.
Let’s explore this topic a bit more in today’s blog post.
Why Divorced Parents Suddenly Worry About Texting Their Children
Many parents worry that reaching out while the child is with the other parent might be seen as overstepping boundaries or interfering with the other parent’s time. Even if done in good taste and with no ill intentions, no one wants to spark unnecessary conflict—especially when the priority is keeping life as stable as possible for the child.
At the same time, it is natural to want to know how your child is doing, and to maintain your connection with them.
In most cases, texting your child is not a problem. Courts generally recognize that children benefit from having open lines of communication with both parents. Unless your custody order specifically limits contact, up to and including text conversations, you are usually free to text or call your child when they are with your ex.
Obviously, this does not mean unlimited messages at all hours of the day.
A goodnight text, check-in after school, or short conversation here and there is normal. If you constantly interrupt the other parent’s time or your texts start to interfere with the child’s activities, that is where tension can arise.
Respecting Boundaries Is Critical
The best approach is to keep communication with your child age-appropriate and respectful of your ex’s parenting time. If your child is a teenager with their own phone, a simple “Hope you had a good day!” text is usually fine. For younger kids, it may be better to agree with your ex on set times for phone or video calls, so that the child does not feel caught in the middle.
One helpful way to think about it is this: your goal is not to monitor what is happening in the other household. It is to maintain a healthy, loving connection with your child. As long as your messages serve that purpose, you are fine.
When Problems Arise
Sometimes, an ex might object to you contacting the child during their parenting time. If that happens, take a step back before reacting. Is your communication reasonable, or could it be disruptive? If you truly believe your ex is trying to cut you off unfairly, review your custody order. If it does not place restrictions on contact, you are typically within your rights. In some situations, parents choose to clarify communication expectations through mediation or by modifying their parenting plan.
Texting your child while they are with your ex is rarely an issue unless it becomes excessive or hostile. Most children actually appreciate hearing from both parents, as long as it does not create conflict.
The key is balance – staying connected without crossing boundaries.
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