As tempting as it may be, you want to avoid fighting fire with fire. Whether it’s during your emotionally charged divorce proceedings or while you attempt a new co-parenting relationship with your former spouse, it’s essential to think before you speak. Sadly, many people lose sight of their good intentions in the heat of the moment.
As one can imagine, not thinking before speaking worsens a challenging situation. So, how can you avoid going down this similar path? It’s not easy, but here are a few tips to help you get started.
Think Before You Speak — 7 Tips That Work
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Take a deep breath.
Pausing to breathe before you potentially say something negative has two important benefits. First, it allows you to calm down and center yourself emotionally. Second, it gives you extra time to choose your next words carefully.
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Think of the fallout.
Regardless of whether you mean what you’re saying, it’s essential to consider the impact those words will have. Will they be hurtful or helpful? Will they incite more arguments or calm everyone down? Choose words and phrases that are clear and appropriate for the situation.
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Frame your responses.
Speaking from your perspective is another solid way to think before you speak. Using “I” statements such as “I feel …” rather than “you always …” avoids sounding accusatory in your responses.
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Stay calm
Even if your ex is toxic, you can control 100% of your behavior and emotions. Combat their antics by staying calm and constantly showing them respect and civility. This is especially true around your children.
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Actively listen
Before you say anything, be present during the conversation, absorb what they are saying, and pay attention to their posture, tone, voice, or mood rather than constantly interrupting or talking over them. This should help you “hear” the true message behind someone’s words, avoid unnecessary assumptions, empathize with their feelings and perspectives, and create more effective communication.
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Ask questions
To piggyback on the previous tip, asking questions rather than jumping to a fast response helps you gather more information and gain clarity on the situation to respond appropriately.
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Consider timing
Sometimes, avoiding a conversation until everyone has calmed down can help you think before you speak and lead to more productive discussions for everyone involved.
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