You’re not getting a divorce. In fact, your marriage is great. But your childhood friend’s marriage is a different story, and you can’t help but feel the need to help them in some way as they wrap up their divorce and prepare for the journey ahead. But how do you help a friend going through a divorce? What do you say? What shouldn’t you say or do? You certainly can’t make the pain of their marriage ending go away, nor can you imagine what they must be going through since you haven’t experienced divorce first-hand.
Sadly, there’s no definitive rule book for how you should help a friend going through a divorce. That said, it’s important to start simple and be there for them in whatever way makes the most sense as they come to terms with their unique situation.
Try These 5 Tips to Help a Friend Going Through a Divorce
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Respect their privacy
When you’ve been close friends with someone for 10, 15, or 20 years, your gut instincts might tell you to stay by their side night and day and be at their beck and call. After all, that’s been the norm for your relationship when hard times pop up, and it’s always worked in the past. But in this particular instance, you will likely find that they don’t want you around this time. They want as much space as possible. You must respect your friend’s wishes and not take offense to them. No two divorces or life situations are the same, and it is natural for them to want space to grieve and process what has happened.
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Listen
Your friend will eventually exit their self-imposed solitude and look to you for support. When that happens, start by listening. Provide a safe and comfortable space for them to express their feelings and talk through some of the bigger thoughts in their head. As they confide in you, remember that this isn’t the time for you to share your thoughts and opinions on the divorce or force them to rush into making decisions they aren’t ready to make yet. Just listen. It may be all they are looking for right now.
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Get them out and moving, but don’t push too much
One of the best ways to help a friend going through a divorce is to get them out of their house or work and into situations where they can forget about the divorce for a little bit and have some fun. Maybe that means taking them to a big dinner with all their friends or paying for a relaxing spa day. Stress the importance of getting out and moving, but don’t make them feel pressured. They may not be ready for that yet.
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Don’t pick sides
It can be tempting to defend your friend by talking negatively about their former spouse and showing them you are on their side. But all this does is fuel negative emotions and hinder the healing process. Stay neutral and avoid hateful words. Don’t fan any flames if you’re also friends with their former spouse.
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Ask them what they want or need
If you are at a loss for how to help your friend going through a divorce, ask them. This eliminates guesswork and puts them in a position where they control how they are being supported. They may only want a shoulder to cry on or practical guidance. If they ask for help with daily stuff (picking the kids up from school, grabbing dinner, or doing the dishes), be open to those things because it’ll likely make their life a little bit easier.
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